im gonna be okay. im gonna be okay. im gonna be okay.
i will be okay!
im sure i'll be okay!

RELIGION.
pretty touchy subject to talk about right?
but is it that hard to talk about it when you are together with a christian as well?
like you know, if one person in the relationship is more spiritual than the other?
ive been thinking alot about it.
like is it okay for the girl to be spiritually stronger than the guy?
does it matter?
well, i still dont have an answer to that.

but for me now,
i wish that things between us were not that hard to talk about.
like... RAHHHHHHHHHHH. i really dont know how to explain this. really really.
i dont know how to say and this feels so frustrating..

okayokay, let me go back... rewine my thoughts.
okay.. well, im back cheering again. its fun. really.
i enjoy myself. and it feels so wonderful to be back cheering.
b is back cheering as well and he is definitely happy about it.
well, i have mixed feelings. i am happy and upset.
firstly, happy cause im doing what i like and b is happy.
upset because i feel that because of cheer, b has changed.
like.. he is becoming what he use to be. like cheer was so important.
like, i know its what he loves to do, so do i. but dont we all need to prioritise our time and what is more important.
okay, maybe to him... cheer is more impt than God. yes, there is no doubt that he loves God and wants to grow. but maybe he has put that on the backseat. now that we're back cheering..its been his number one goal.. to be able to do cupie in 3 months. in 2 weeks, to do a back hand spring without assistance?
well, how come he hasnt been able to do that goal with God. like.. oh in 3 months im going to go for sp course. or like in 3 months time im gonna finish reading a book in the bible?
maybe our goal in life is very different.
aiyah, there's so much more. i know im venting.
and yes b, i know you will be reading this. but please dont get the wrong impression.
all of what you see is not exactly what you see. there's more to this
so if and when you read it? call me.. i can explain.
i just dont really know how to put it into words.
i dont want you to get the wrong impression.
i know you love cheer, and you love God.
and its hard to make a choice. i understand. i do...
its not easy. and plus you've been cheering for so long.

and i alr made you give it up for me. and now that youre back, youre happy.
and i know you wont give it up again. ever. i can understand that.
i told myself that i cannot stop you from doing what you love.
and if you choose cheer over some church event, its fine.
i wont deny the fact that i would be upset. but i alr said im gonna support and respect your decision.
i just want you to know that whatever your decision is, it wont affect us and the way i feel about you.

however, i do want one favor from you.
please take 1 month to pray. pray everyday and as much as you can.
to ask God if i am really the one for you.
yes, you may think i am the one for you. but does God think the same way?
dont worry, you will not be praying alone. i will pray too :D

ps, i still love you all the same




i think im going crazy.

i seriously need to vent.

i was wondering how much love can someone show.
whether it was unconditional and stuff like that.
i was wondering about how much you loved me and how you showed it.
and i realised that you really love me so much than i can ever imagine and you have never once asked for me to return all the love. you just loved me for me and i feel so blessed to have met someone like you.

there are times when we disagree on stuff but i know that you will always give in to me.
because you love me.
there are times when you fall sick, but yet you know i need you by my side and you'll pull yourself out of bed just to accompany me.
because you love me.
there are times when you sacrifice things you love to do, for things that i love to do.
because you love me.
there are times that you find it hard to give in, to love me, but you still SHOW me you do.
because you love me.
there are times when you get upset at me because i made you so angry with me. but you'll never leave me.
because you love me.
there are times when you eat things you dont like, because i like them.
because you love me.

i can go on about all the things you've done for me because you love me.
and i know you love me. i feel that you love me.
and i know im one lucky girl to have you.
and thats why i will never let you go.

i dont know what i can do for you, but i will love you till my last breath.
thank you for everything you've done for me.
thanks for just being here when i needed you. (even though sometimes i say that you are never there) (:

you are one special boy. :D




10 months :D